Tuesday, August 24, 2010
January 8, 2009
It seems that for much of my life I have been guided, impacted and inspired by my sister Laurie, who passed away on May 30, 1985. She committed suicide by hanging herself. This "apparent" tragedy has contributed more to my life than any single event. In fact, after the initial period of sadness and depression and my own thoughts of suicide, it has motivated and inspired me more to LIVE, and make a contribution to the world. In many respects the inspiration for I Am Sharing and all of my life's work to serve.
Over the years, my sisters influence has not only been in my thoughts, but I have experienced some of the most "other worldly" events that crossed from her realm of spirit into physical manifestation. Physical evidence came into my life that there are angels and that Laurie has been with me in spirit, and also been able to manifest objects into the physical realm to prove her existence.
Now these ideas and experiences reach far out of what I had previously considered real. My focus on education and on “modern” concepts of materiality were very grounded (now I would say ignorant). But I have always considered these experiences with Laurie, and my subsequent interpretations as being entirely possible. However, in this last year, I had an experience that further solidifies the reality that my sister Laurie, in spirit, has been very concerned about my well being and has waited for the right opportunity to share her deepest desire with me, that I might "Forgive Her". This message came to me in the most mysterious, yet real way in 2008.
But before I relay that story, here is how the whole story of "Laurie's angel" began upon her passing in 1985. To some extent the story begins in 1981. Laurie and her husband Torbjorn had come to live in the U.S. for about one year. She had been living in Norway since about 1973. I had the great fortune to work with Torbjorn with our company called Odin Associates. Laurie and Torbjorn lived next to the business so I was able to spend considerable time with her. In fact, in 1981, I was getting sober and I remember conversations with Laurie at their kitchen table. Even at this time she had attempted suicide so this whole situation of her depression lasted for at least four years. I remember I was awakening to my new life free of alcohol and drugs, and was trying to inspire her out of her depression. I think it helped some, but when she returned to Norway apparently her isolation and desperation continued.
Laurie had returned to Norway after her and Torbjorn’s stay in 1982. I remember hearing intermittent news about her struggles and visits to the psychiatric hospital. My recollection of things associated with Laurie are quite vague most of the time. From when she went to Norway in 1973, I had used the excuse that when I thought of her that it made me miss her more so I didn't write her letters. I always believed this was a lame excuse and carried a certain guilt about this, but in recent years I realized there may have been more truth to this than I felt inside.
The Phone Call
We must have received the phone call from Norway about June 3, 1985. I was actually at home and I think my sister Kari took the call. I vaguely remember it being very surreal this news that my sister had hung herself. The doctor was completely distraught on the phone. She said that Laurie had apparently been doing much better. Her mood was very good and she had been having more visits out of the hospital so the doctor felt she was faring better. Apparently Laurie had decided to quit taking some medication so we suspected that this apparent improvement was simply a result of her making up her mind of how to commit suicide. She had finally resolved to complete what had been a series of failed attempts. I don’t remember how
many times she had been in the hospital because of various drug overdoses. I only remember a few here in the U.S. during her year or so visit, and vaguely recalling that there must have been a few more attempts in Norway.
Spirit Manifesting in Physical Form
The most profound synchronistic event occurred about two days after we received the news. I had been married for about one year (my first marriage) and a friend of my wife’s family had been in Europe and had not been able to attend our wedding. Subsequently she had not been able to give us a wedding gift. A few days after the news of Laurie we received a gift from this friend, through my mother-in-law.
When I saw the gift I was absolutely astounded. It was a Lladro figurine of an angel. My mother had been collecting Lladro for a few years by then. The most profound thing was that the angel had brown hair (as compared to angels most commonly having blond hair) and she had features just like Laurie. In fact, when I brought the figurine home from my last trip to Iowa (April 2006), my father told me that the most astounding similarity that he saw was the position of the figurines hands. She had her head tilted to one side, with a loving, longing gesture inviting peace and tranquility.
The moment that we received the gift I knew, without question or hesitation, that this gift was for my mother and father. I will always remember that day, somewhat surreal, on the front porch of our home on 607 River Oak Drive, in Ames, Iowa. We had somehow met my parents as they were coming or leaving from their home. I believe I gave the figurine to my mother, and my father was standing next to her. I don’t remember my mother’s reaction. My mother was always able to experience emotions easily. My father, on the other hand, could be best described as stoic. I do not know if he had been able to cry before that moment about Laurie.
In fact, I don't know if I had ever seen my father cry before this day (I was 25 years old). But when he saw the figurine he immediately began sobbing. Since that time I have tried to imagine, being a father myself, the absolute anguish that one must have when a child passes before oneself. I believe our whole family believes that this figurine was directly manifested either through the influence of Laurie in the afterlife, or as a message from God.
Losing the Angel
Now this angel stayed with my parents until my father passed in 2007. My mother had bequeathed it to me in her will, but it had stayed at their home until he passed. In 2007 I experienced an incredible year of tumult beginning with the passing of Dad the day before my birthday. In fact, I first saw him at the hospital, already clinically dead on my birthday. Thus began a series of "apparent" tragedies including a divorce, another painful relationship ending, the letting go of a company I helped found, and finally the passing of my boss and mentor (Dr. Richard Ewing) at Texas A&M. The angel left me when I gave it away. I was dating a woman who had had one of the most painful and tragic lives of anyone one I had ever known. I won't reveal her story to respect her anonymity. But what happened was that one day I awoke early in the morning being motivated to give her Laurie's angel. I had the strong urge that she needed the angel much more than I did, even though it was my most prized possession. I also gave her a painting that my mother had painted for me when I was in my teens.
Of course when this relationship ended I had thoughts of taking the angel back. But I had decided that the angel was really powerful and that my urging from my heart had to be honored. So, I guess, this woman still has the angel.
Laurie tells my new partner Martha to get a new angel
I have never been one to visit psychics or astrologers or anything of the like. However, early in 2008, while in Colombia a friend of Martha's suggested we visit a young woman named Rosie. Our friend, who is an educated woman (working on a PhD) and her husband, also a university professor vouched for Rosie's special talents. This woman is able to see/experience other people's past lives, see energy auras and has other psychic abilities. The "reading" about Martha and my past lives and current connections was astounding. However, the visit from Laurie's spirit was what really blew my mind. It gave validity to the whole "reading" experience.
Near the end of the session Rosie said that I had been accompanied into the session by two spirits. The first ones name started with the letter "L". Rosie does not speak any English so I suspect she didn't quite understand the name Laurie (in Spanish the name is Laura). The second spirit's name started with "R". I suspect this might be have Richard, (Dr. Richard Ewing). As a side note, Dr. Ewing's untimely death had had a devastating effect on me, I suspect the "straw the broke the camels back" for me to make a dramatic life change to leave the university and pursue my dream. I had my whole future mapped out to assist Dr. Ewing with his important work. The impact was enough that I was compelled to leave the University and my career as an academic.
Rosie said that this spirit, Laurie, had been persistently trying to share something. When Martha translated the message as "I'm Sorry!", Rosie immediately said "NO!". Then in broken English, Rosie said "Forgive Me". When I heard this I was totally bowled over. In fact, I think I began to cry. (If you saw the poem I wrote to Laurie in 1997 you will see why, in the I Am Sharing book).
But things got even stranger. Laurie then asked me why I had lost the angel. Now, I had not told anyone about my giving the original angel away. In fact, I had been embarrassed by my spontaneous giving away of possibly the most prized family possession, especially after the relationship ended. I told Martha quickly what Laurie was referring to. Rosie continued to speak about Laurie telling her that Martha had an assignment. She was supposed to replace the angel. Laurie provided specific instructions about the look, size and that it was not going to be expensive or "fancy". The most important characteristic was that the angel was supposed to be "cute and small". And, even more interestingly, that the angel would be given to her.
Needless to say this experience is really outside of what I would ever expect. But I cannot deny that this is as real as any other experience I have had. There is absolutely no way that Rosie or Martha could have known about Laurie, the angel, or especially that I had given the angel away. It was my secret.
After this, Martha and I went to several shops trying to find the right angel with no luck. Nearly six months had passed with no angel. Then I traveled back to the states. When I returned in Nov. 2008 Martha had forgotten to tell me that she had found the angel.
Apparently, she had been visiting her cousin's daughter, Antonia (she is six years old). Martha was in her bedroom and saw a small figurine amongst several toys. It caught her attention immediately. Martha then said, "and what is this"? Antonia said "if you really like it I can give it to you." Martha said "I do like it". Antonia handed the figurine to Martha without hesitation.
When Martha showed me the angel I knew - this is Laurie's new angel for Me! And it was a "gift!"