Thursday, September 30, 2010


Breathe . . . .
Breathe . . . .
deeply Breathe . . . .
slowly . . . look around
keep breathing . . . noticing
feel your eyes blink
notice the sensations on your skin
your feet
remember to notice
your breath
are you thinking?
are you hungry?
be calm, breathe slowly
notice the wind
the sunshine
relax . . .
enjoy . . .
pay attention
remember to breathe noticeably, consciously
as often
as possible . . .


Attempting to capture in words -
collective expressions, limitations.
How to describe the essence of a flower,
The feeling of connection, to anything,
The experience of thunder and lightening,
The rapture of sensations of attention placed on toes in the sand.
How can I describe the rain on my face?,
or on my tongue.
The satisfaction of a cool drink on a hot summer day.
A label is a very limited way to describe,
much less explain all the fullness of life,
in any one moment, if one stops to notice -
the breath flowing in,
the little aches and pains,
the joy of embrace of one loved,
the experience in fullness at sunrise or sunset.
Where could I possibly begin?
To describe just one day, one hour, one moment,
of my life, my thoughts, my feelings.
I cannot . . .

Monday, September 27, 2010

The Future Speaks - a Message from Ashira

a message from Ashira channeled by Meredith Murphy
Saturday, 25 September, 2010

Recognizing what is to come, the New Human looks forward with delight and awe at both what has been accomplished and what is emerging, and in being thus focused, creates.

The Future Unfolds in the Present: The Future Speaks.

Anticipation reaches new heights as the unfolding that is taking place now is beyond all measure; it can only be felt within. The lightness of the energy is an indicator of the ethereal qualities of the new, higher frequency space in which more and more of you are predominantly residing, and within this sphere the level of delight is palpable and sustained!

Beyond this, you may anticipate a new human culture beginning to take shape and form. You have experienced flashes of this in your virtual communities together, and what is to follow is the coming together of couples, communities and shared efforts in the space where you live and are—whereas many of the communal experiences you have had prior to this have been online or energetic.

The new human exists simultaneously in all these relationships. You relate to one another energetically. Across georgraphy and dimensions. You relate to one another sitting side by side—and with a local orientation as well as a sense of essence and the expansive game in which you are participating—all at the same time. This is the crafty skill of flowing your focus! Learning to perceive and accommodate multiple inputs and extensions of you—multiple points of view—into your now experience with ease and effortlessly. Here is the new mode of being which you might begin to play with and explore. How might you “stretch or alter time” as a construct such that you can accommodate all of this naturally in
the flow of experience with yourself and others? You are masters at this! You have done this before. Take a “moment” to remember. {smile}

The New Earth is becoming increasingly populated. More and more find their way here; although some do not even yet realize what is taking place as they have moments of total presence, and thus expansive freedom and joy.

The remaining beings who have not yet experienced this newly minted frequency of Earth, are suffering. You can tell them easily for their physical bodies are not even yet going through, consciously, the awakenings you have all felt—no, what is noticeably is the acceleration of emotional drama, financial issues. Fear and self-loathing are being pulled forth into their experience in such fierce and persistent ways!

Their experience is intensifying so much so, that you are hardly able anymore to create a bridge for these folks to cross and follow. Which is perfect and fine—for as you remember that’s not your role anyway!

No, you cannot assist, influence or support them. The inner urgings must preside over the terror of the mind. The shift must come from noticing and beginning to attune to the heart. A sincere desire to find their way must be accompanied by listening to themselves with love and interest. As they begin to listen to their deepest cries from within, as they run out of all other alternatives for possibly escaping this enormous intensification of pain, as they begin to let go and with
compassion to listen to their most treasured desires for experience, they will find their way.

The path has been paved well and you may rest easy knowing your work has been done.

Which we recently reminded you of! And so? It’s onto the art of creating, and embracing your own I AM presence, your own eternal divinity as a specific and unique focal point of All-That-Is, Source diversified, and in a human vessel! A human vessel now being remade--for a permanent metamorphosis is taking place—and the prior version of humanity will no longer exist at some point when the momentum is so great that all will either tip over into spontaneous expression of this newness or dissipate energetically into the void, returning to source to be spun off again, and chose once more—identity, focus and orientation for experience.

The remaining energies of the new earth coming forth are living within YOU. It is up to you to cultivate your imagining. How long has it been since you spent long hours lying on your back, looking at the sky, or with your eyes closed, simply dreaming?

Conjuring up all kinds of possibilities, exploring them—honing them until they felt shimmery in their alignment and perfection, and YOU were filled with unbridled enthusiasm and excitement! This is what we long to witness—YOU from your new platform of expanded identity imagining what suits and resonates entirely with your perspective.

Oh let the music begin! For this is how it will be—the vibration of your song will create the forms of experience that inspire and harmonize with others. The new earth exists as seeds within each of you—which are to be hybridized and cross pollinated, planted as is—in whatever way you see fit, ALL heirlooms of the lush dominion of each experience in which you saw an opportunity to enhance, expand and express through your focus.

Consider the space around you—natural or built—how would you like it to feel? What surfaces delight you? What smells and sounds would they make in contact with your vessel? What colors do you see, in the sky, in your food, in your interaction with other’s energies? Aha! What energy would you like to see, feel, know and experience!

What about fun? What kind of experiences have you wished to repeat? What have you imagined would give you great joy and a soaring sense of freedom? What “impossible” things have you dreamed about? What about adventure—what frontiers would you most like to explore—fully confident of your experience being resourced, sustained and full of awesome surprises?

Then turn your attention to relationships—with all things, how do you wish to meet? Be seen? Greeted? In what ways would you thrive? How might your enjoy the company of life in all forms? How might you celebrate this? What ways would relationships change to reflect the sovereign nature of each of you? How with confidence would you approach creating a new culture together? What structure would you desire? What comings-together would make you count the moments and pull out all the stops to make them mouth-dropping, awe-inspiring experiences? What would support you and make life flow with ease? What is your role within all this?

What resources are you capable of using and enjoying? Can you give yourself permission to have all of these and know that there is more than enough for anyone else to follow and do the same? Can you allow yourself to use money? Can you realize that any symbol, such as money, is only given the meaning you carry forth? Can you free yourself of all fears about the financial and now use money for fun and enjoy creating ways to receive and flow so much of it you cannot believe you ever held back this avalanche of abundance from your own experience?

What about health? You live and breathe in astonishing harmony with everything. Can you deepen this experience of the miraculous medium by which you connect with everything physical and see, hear, taste, touch, smell and feel the Earth? What is wellness? How does it feel? Can you find the ways in which you are well? Can you imagine how expansive wellness might be? Instead of thinking of only not-sick, not-fat, not-tired, can you see what cultivation might include in the limitless potential of wellbeing? Are you ready to learn and listen to your body as to what form and particulars will best serve your desired experience? In particular, what might your body be capable of now that it’s limiting template has been dissolved and it is seeking new “boundaries” energetically and within form?

And what might your relationship to “time” and space be? Many of you are discovering that it has already changed so much. Knowing now your eternal I AM-ness, how might you approach each moment punctuated by this knowing? Permeated with self-love? Infinitely resourced. Clearly receiving instantaneous perspective on all potentials in play as reflected by your inner impulses and felt sense of wholeness.

Your mind is working as one. Your focal point is conscious of the unified field in which it is an intimate, vital aspect. You give your authority to no one, and recognize the intelligence of All-That-Is which miraculously organizes all the harmoniously impulses which guide you from within. You are comfortable with change and with rest and gathering. You are attuned to and oriented to energy and sensations. You live in and through a form, as well as formlessly. Your choices and focus jump across time and space, located as you direct, your evolution rippling backward and forward and radiating out in conversation with All-That-Is thus informing everything. Each aspect of source is in a profound relationship of dance and choreography with you. There are no limits and no end.

So lighten up!

Take a nap. Feel some pleasure. Heal yourself. Love yourself. Prosper. Turn toward the great central sun and know the source of information and light which flows through many other sources to you. There are inputs within and without. Discern the source. Set your standards for merging and participation. Clarify your intentions. Take the helm of your moment and see what speaks to you.

All is lifting up in an effort to align and dance with the cosmic oneness which is.

It is true. It is necessary. The nature of personal reality has been transformed. You speak the codes which have done this. You are the change.

Life in the higher realms as the New Human is.

I AM Naeshira, and I speak from the Records of Creation.

© 2009-2010, Meredith Murphy, Expect Wonderful | Modern Paradise Publications – You are free to share, copy, distribute and display the work under the following conditions: You must give author credit, you may not use this for commercial purposes, and you may not alter, transform or build upon this work. For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to
others the license terms of this work. Any of these conditions can be waived if you get the permission of the copyright holder. Any other purpose of use must be granted permission by the author.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Life that Transpires

Walk away from the magic show.
Do this and the next performances will be a no-go.
Dancing puppets on a stage.
For millenia it´s been the rage.
It is only real from your energy.
Feelings dark and festering realities.
The solutions, eliminations simply involve,
just turning away with confidence and resolve.
Stepping back and seeing the truth.
The show´s a distraction, of this there is proof.
Past a thin veil there does reside,
a reality of wonder, abundance abides.
Fueled by a force, an energy fueled by love.
It comes from all places, spaces, as from above.
But also transactions, currencies, exchanges below.
From interpenetrating emergences caught in a flow.
Connected, interspersed, integrated and dominated.
With the true presence within all, and interjected.
Continually providing as waves of sound.
Expressing itself as particles, realities that abound.
Its first task was life, undeniably blessed.
Strangely manifesting, creating from the One at rest.
This stepping back, unresisting process,
happens naturally, with no regress.
Being itself contains the code.
We´re all in it, there´s no other abode.
But the challenge we chose to create.
Something emerging, coalescing, a process so great,
that the wonder of life cannot be denied.
The source of our experience, being, can be relied.
Simply by asking ourSelves what it is that we really want.
Which is so deep and shallow, it´s not just a front.
Those things that we watch on "the world´s stage",
the illusion the specter of fear,
our essence the Truth is so near.
It´s really not here, there, or elsewhere.
The model we want or desire is so fair.
Perfect balance, knowing, supporting our trek.
This journey of thinking, feeling and apparent unrest.
Is simply the dream of the dreamer, who resides in our head,
and our hearts, souls, molecules and even our bed.
Everywhere that we look with love and desire,
we will find ourselves and this life that transpires.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Dark Places

Thank you for your confidence in me.
Every day I get stronger.
Knowing more what really is real.
It´s been a long journey.
In a very short span of time.
The conditioned luggage I carried along.
Has been a burden I seem to have needed.
But the seeming paradox is.
Those unseen relics cast shadows on my whole being,
coloring and affecting all that I saw, heard and felt.
The person that I presented to others,
quickly introducing all my ills.
But these issues, problems and pains,
when discovered and revealed,
become a tool, a gift, a treasure,
with which we all can share.
These frailties and weaknesses become,
what we all can bear.
In truth these problems and negatives,
have taken us here and there.
To discover new realms of experience,
where none had trod before.
But the blessing has always been,
while we have trudged this shadow-world,
the light of day´s within.
Our greatest fear, transpires and then becomes,
something that we knew all along.
The truth of love, and of the One,
who placed us on the path.
Invited us to take a jaunt,
into a nether world that hadn´t become.
A place where "scary monsters" loomed,
and horrors imagined were real.
But the purpose of all this was,
to discover what we could find.
That in the furthest reaches of the dark,
there is only one thing - sublime.
In all the corners dark and dreary,
where our worst fears reside.
It is only us, you, me and them
which really is only One.
That one is Love and we always knew,
but we had to try to find.
If there was something else.
Thank goodness that we were wrong.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Sun Gratitude

I smiled at the sun,
as I felt its warm caresses on my face.
The energy dancing like stars,
giving without pause,
for the thing called my life.
We say the source is love.
In us the sun provides all.
deep, penetrating, permanent
The substance of this world,
all fueled by this form of expression,
so difficult to describe or comprehend.
Little have I contemplated the gift,
from where all the wonder emerges.
Few days have I thanked the sun.
But today I ask for recompense,
for my oversight all these days hence.
And I ask the sun to view my heart,
and spend a moment looking through my eyes,
if it could for just a day,
experience my life -
the fullness of emotions and senses,
the vastness of my thoughts and recollections,
my contemplations, imaginations, and reflections.
That in that one day, in the experience of my appreciation,
while I acknowledge all the depth,
of my gratitude and thankfulness
this day of recognition, could then be compressed
down into just one second.
And the equivalent of that one day,
transformed into that one second,
could then be multiplied by,
all the seconds which passed through my life.
This mathematical expression,
might then approach the fullness in my heart,
and show the sun how much it gives.
My hope would be for that experience,
to reflect back so it could know,
all that the life it gives.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Thinking, light, nature, truth, prayer

If we observe nature it shows us many lessons. These can be lessons for our living happily and fruitfully. All things in nature express their true nature.

So what is our nature? Our nature is consciousness, thinking, feeling. This is what is meant to be made in the image and likeness of God. Our nature is to think our reality into being. This means that we create our reality. Our nature is also that of light. Of course our (physical) vibrations are lower than those that we imagine to be the light from the sun or from a light bulb – but we are of the light. But the thing that we have been conditioned to not see, as a result of our senses, which are totally mesmerizing and consumptive of our conscious attention, is that through thinking and feeling (which again is the nature of God) we can raise our vibrations. We can see this occurring in what we do with manipulating energy of various types. Through the instruments of electronics, and engineering we can amplify signals of energy to higher vibrations. This too was done through thought – someone had to first come up with the idea to do this, which followed to thought processes of making it reality.

But we are thinking centers and what we have not realized, or manifested, as a collective consciousness is that we individually can amplify our own energy. This is likely the consciousness that is being beamed down upon us. Maybe it is coming from the sun, the stars, the central sun – or, in other words, from God, the One. Inviting us to increase our vibrational frequencies to experience a more harmonious reality.

It appears from observing our day to day existence that we are all desiring this. You could deduce such from the level and extent of our complaining. On the other hand you can also observe that we really don’t want a new reality. This is because we appear to not be willing to change. If we really wanted a new experience then we would take the steps in order to remove ourselves from the systems of thinking and feeling to allow ourselves to experience what we intuitively, or from a feeling point, believe to be possible.

As a metaphor, this heavy, or slow vibrational reality is like quicksand. And we are like the man who is struggling to get out, making all kinds of noise and commotion, but as the hand or rope is extended to us we are unwilling to grasp them in order to extract ourselves from the sinking condition.

The hand or rope, in this metaphor, I see as the ancient teachings of the great and wise ones, and as the clear and simple messages streaming in from other places (probably too our own hearts). Many years ago I imagined God as having many radio stations that are broadcasting messages for rescuing myself from my various conundrums. I would talk to other people about not growing any new antennae, so the capabilities must have already existed within me. I just needed to become receptive. Given what I feel is happening now, the number of channels have increased significantly.

The key is to not get distracted by the fragmentation reality. That being the aspect of existence that is based on the idea that there isn’t enough to go around. That perspective is limited to cutting the pie into smaller pieces. This paradigmatic view seems to be the prevailing perspective in human consciousness, but as I observe the greater reality (which are mirrored to me in nature and the cosmos) the “real reality” is one of expanding possibilities. In other words multiplicative in nature. The purpose of the contracting, or minimizing view appears to be to get us to turn around – as in Plato’s cave.

All of the experiences which we seem to be so abhorrent of (pain, suffering, tragedy) all have lessons in them, and physical revulsion (sickness, disease, etc.) that are literally pushing us to go toward the Truth – that truth, at least in the “light creation” that there is only love.

This idea is well captured in thoughts that flowed to me this morning as I was trying to figure out what God’s purpose was in creating in us this unquenchable, or undeniable, obsession with being better. In other words, this tendency for people to focus on what is wrong. Ninety-five percent of our lives could be just great, but we spend an unproportionate amount of time on the 5% that we perceive to be out of order. Here are the thoughts that came to me:

The Truth
Pain’s message is love.
Pain’s lesson is love.
Pain’s answer is love.
Pain’s solution is love.

There is no selection process in life for there is only love. All suffering, despair, tragedy is God’s message to return love, to return to love. The truth is, is there is only love, we just think there is something different. This is just how powerful we are to create something from love that we believe not to be. But the real lesson in all of this is to be in the love, share the love, know the love. All comes from love and will return to love. I will love all until I die. All That Is is perfect.

All that is expected is to move the vibration of our life, and our collective experience to higher vibrations towards what we think is light – even though we are really made of light. Yes light is intelligent (fiber optics) but light carries DNA and life forms too. We are light, and light is the perfect expression of love – it is Good – it is God’s gift to us – and it continues to be poured down upon us in such abundance that we cannot comprehend the extent because it is infinite. But that is not the point. Of course we can measure, but we probably don’t want to get lost in measuring (this is where I started laughing because this is what we are doing on this planet – counting and measuring “not enough to go around”), the point is we are just supposed to enjoy the process
and be grateful for the experience.

It is not limited – the illusion is having to proportion out – to measure. We have gotten lost in measuring. There is so much light coming from our own sun that we don’t use. I am happy. I am so grateful for illumination. I see the light. I love the light. I am the light so my most basic program is to love. It is the starting point of my existence so I need only invite, allow that program to reassert itself into all that I do. Thank you God!

Message from My Source

Here is the message I recorded this morning July 14, 2009 at 4 am. I have not edited this at all - including apparent mistakes.

- Love no matter what
- When you they've hurt you, love them that much more.
- Judgment's purpose is the lesson of non-judgment.
- I watch the love that Martha pours on Benjamin and it teaches me a small measure the capacity of love the Source has for each of us.
- Orcs need love too (Orcs from Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkein).
- I feel your pain. I am your pain.
- I will tell you through me what you need to hear in order to bring you closer to me but each is relative to the student.
- You are my most blessed possessions in the Universe because you truly are my possessions
- I possess all, I am the great possessor I am the only who possesses there cannot be anything but possession by me for all is in me, of me, by me. But I love you all and those who don't know or believe I love, I love that much more because love is what brings you and them to me.
- I love you, for you are why I exist. I became so I could know you - each of you - each of what I am, a blade of grass, a living soul is precious to be beyond measure in human consciousness.
- That is my very nature all that exists within me is infinite externally, including my love for each particle of my existence.
- My conscious, free-will portion of me has a very special place because that is the part that can come to recognize and experience this - but not by my force or charge - maybe from my coaxing.

This last part I recorded this morning after my meditation, as I remembered the thoughts as I fell back to sleep last night.
- I have never earnestly and honestly sought God, or Source, or understanding and not received it. The key was that I believe that I was open to the new knowledge. I think many times people think they know and so close the new understanding to flow in. I have discovered that what Solomon said to be true, that there is nothing new. But sometimes it appears to be hard to find.

One on One

From my two books "I Am Sharing: Thoughts, Experiences and Learning About Love and Service", and "Poetry and Essays About Life, Love and One."

Life is really about us working out our relationship with ourselves. Is she the One? (the ultimate question from the movie the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy), or (Am I the One). A part of us knows that everything is the one but this world seems to be a testing ground for how far will love go and still love.

The "issue" in process is just me rectifying the issues between my prior perceptions that there are things other than me, my coming out of this program which has been emotionally ingrained, habituated. If I accept that there is only one thing here, then why do I have all of these issues with myself? At first I cannot discover this by watching others, but after I come to realize the issues are really in me, then the evidence is incontrovertible - it's in my face. All I have to do is realize that each time I find myself emotionally charged (typically negative) I am confronting an old program that is attached to my old perceptions of things being outside (separate) of me. It boils down to me rectifying my perceptions of my relationship to the One.

Why would One punish Oneself? Love doesn't punish, so at those places that I discover conflict or experience pain it is actually a "learning point". When I discover a learning point what happens, or how I deal with it, demonstrates going to the Truth or some other reality, some segmented part of the One. The Kingdom of God is Within Me comes from becoming absolutely clear intellectually and emotionally with all the other parts of the One - to love it. It is either the way I want it, or it has a lesson for me for my growth. If I am experiencing negative emotions it is either contradictory to my greater good or it is triggering a dysfunctional part of my prior programming.

All evidence points to the truth. All evidence points to the truth there is only One. However, it has divided itself into many aspects/parts. Why would One thing punish itself? To experience something other than One-ness. It wouldn't really punish itself because it really serves no purpose because it already knows.

So the purpose is to create many different parts, let them forget, and then discover, or go back to that knowing. The thing about earth is the density, the intensity of the experience and the number of possible divergences, dead-ends, or detours is innumerable.

However the choice really comes down to a simple one - am I choosing the true path or something else? And the true path is illumined by Love. Why would I abuse myself if I knew the Truth? I wouldn't. So why do I abuse myself and others? Because I don't understand. I don't realize the truth. I should not punish myself, the pain and suffering is Love guiding me toward it. It is my job to determine at any moment whether I am making the right choice or not. It comes down to a very simple "either, or" choice.

The truth (love), or not. And if I am clear about my emotional conditioning, if I have done the work to examine the familial and cultural programming that choice will become simpler and simpler over time. The challenge is not to fall into another "program" that creates another intellectual or emotional cul-de-sac.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Journey

Where our true Being resides,
is of no distance, but is inside.
Experience has revealed and shown,
that this understanding is very little known.
But the truth emerges,
amongst our emotional surges.
Energetic expressions of our soul,
These inherent values that make us whole.
The process starts simply with our breath.
The ego resists as it imagines its death.
But gently guide this errant child.
Conditions, patience, courage moving mild.
Will lead us back to our abundant source.
Occasionally straying we might from our course.
But no regrets, no looking back,
Because no permanence remains of the past.
Our adventure is an ever-flowing state of now.
Extending in all directions, peaceful, avow.
The essence of our Being, our living world.
Is anxiously awaiting, twisting, turning, a swirl
A vortex, spiral, abundantly light.
Encouraging, coaxing, teasing us from our flight.
It is so easy and natural as the breath.
The energies cascading, emerging from the depth.
Of our inner Being our original source.
No reflection, expenditures required on our course.
Allowing, experiencing, enjoying what is ours.
The truth of Love is with us now.
Ever present, abundance, accessible easily to those devout.
Simply follow your heart´s urging down its path.
A process of knowing, manifesting based on no journeys past.
It is here in this moment as present from the One.
Just take your next breath, relax, enjoy and know you´ve begun.

Monday, September 20, 2010



Sept. 20, 2010

Pause . . . .
The moments in between
Breathe . . . in and out
like the 1´s and 0´s
what goes between?
are we stuck?
in limitation because we see the 1´s
and don´t experience the 0´s
the void
where formless potentials,
limitless possibilities, wait . . . .
eternally, outside of time,
to be called into being.
What is the vehicle, the carrier?,
that moves the energy of thought
from our domain, and in between
to that nether world – where what we dream exists;
yet we keep calling the same
because they said “this is real”
and “that is not”.
Great dreamers though
have shown us something new
what can be dreamed, can also be
just inviting something other
than what we think is true
entertaining thoughts and visions
of what we know can be
release our unspoken convictions
to recreate the past
appreciate the dancing energies
beyond the shadows cast
spend more time between the now
and magically it expands
vast moments spent in peace and bliss
expanding gifts and presents known, and felt
It is here right now
it´s always been.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Who Questions?

I ask myself
And what of this life?
Where are we going?
How can this be?
This knowing. This experience.
This presence
That places me in the center
of this great cosmos
revealing secrets
one by one
Who asks you, who you are?
no one does anything for us,
except all is done
by the One, which is inseparable
consistent, flowing
living, growing
where this all leads it knows
duality creates the space
for ultimate expression
testing possibilities
examining results
leading perpetually to -
One understanding.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Tribute to Marvel Skadberg

Ma rvel Skadberg
October 6, 1932 – August 21, 2004

Note: this is an unedited version of what I shared on Sept. 11 2004 at Marvel’s memorial service at the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship in Ames, Iowa.

By Andrew Skadberg

I have been accused of not being very organized when my thoughts come out. In that way I think I’m a lot like Mom. So I’ll start with a little disclaimer about this upcoming sharing. Some are just statements, some are ramblings, but I purposely didn’t refine my ideas too much because they came to me in inspiration. So if they don’t make a lot of sense, don’t fret they probably are not something to spend too much time trying to figure out.

I’ve been pondering what to say for the last couple of weeks—hoping for some bright inspiration. I thought about writing a poem. But only hokey ones came to me. Mostly I was not worried, because if nothing came to me I could just say the serenity prayer, Mom left that with me.

Mom gave me life twice, when I was born and gave it to me a second time (rescued from a wild un-reflected life at a fairly young age, its too long a story,—thanks Mom). And I carry the serenity prayer as my primary montra.

But my inspiration for this talk did come to me in my sleep (5:17 am in the 12 Oaks Inn in Gainesville, Texas) Thursday, as I was sure it would if it needed to. That’s about intuition—and I have an intuition that intuition is somehow related to a gift Mom gave me that I’ll talk about briefly.

This is kind of weird talking about Mom—what do you say? Thanks for everything. If it weren’t for you I couldn’t be here talking to ya’ll. No matter, here goes the thoughts that flowed into my head a couple of days ago.

Mom was the toughest person I knew. And I mean that in the best of ways, because of how she was able to bear out the challenges of her life.

She also lived with a lot of gusto-I think sometimes through her kids.

Dad told you about the time at the baseball game when Mom was yelling so loud it was embarassing me. I was pitching and having some difficulty getting the ball across he plate. Mid-stream I turned and looked directly at Mom and said "I can't pitch to left handers". Mom was always enthusiastic at our sporting events.

Her body didn’t cooperate too well. I think she got too live some of her life through me. She kept prodding (encouraging) me. And didn’t give up. And I’m still going about my life in the way that she prodded me. Don’t settle for less than my best. And just keep trying—so that’s what I’m doing. It’s been quite an adventure Mom.

I don’t want to sound arrogant, but ironically that’s what it's all about for me isn’t it. Me! That’s what Mom gave me first, but that’s not the real gift that I’m talking about.

I also know she’s not gone. Even though I wonder and have hopes for other things for her in some sort of continued existence or consciousness like heaven, Nirvana, life after death, reincarnation, or “white Lights” or anything like that—those things I don’t know—so in that way I don’t know that she’s not gone.

But, even though I don’t know about that stuff I do know that she’s not gone—really! Yes, I think I’m used to hearing the saying after people die that they remain in our hearts or other sentimental statements similar to that. But yesterday when I sat and wrote this out I really knew that she was not gone. And those sayings took on a much deeper meaning.

Here’s the gift Mom left us. . . .

She left us her heart (and Mom’s heart was about Love)(yeah Dad it's half your heart too). And today’s about you too.

And when this inspiration came to me on Thursday I understood that I had to be courageous to share more personally how I do know, that she left us her heart.

Because it’s in me.

Of course I know it was in Laurie and it's in Mark and Kari (because I know what kind of people they are), but to share about me is very hard because it’s very close to my heart.

And when I get close to there I tend to get protective and scared to open up for whatever reason that’s really not important.

I think anyone who knew Mom knew that she was dominated by her heart. Of course as with everyone there was some complicatedness to that. Coping with a heart like Mom’s in a world where troubles endure for people like they do, that’s not easy on hearts like hers. It causes some challenges. But that never stopped Mom’s heart

Again not to sound arrogant, but I have learned in this journey of life, at least to this point, that it’s all about the heart. And our journey is about finding our own heart. That is where the great secret lies. So, because I know that, I have spent some time trying to learn about my heart. Intellectually, I don’t know what that means (the statement “learn about my heart”). But in my heart I do—I think. In my mind I’m scared to talk about my heart to Ya’ll because I don’t want to sound arrogant—conceited or self absorbed, or weird, or stupid, or maybe I’m afraid because in this world I tend to get protective of my heart, I suppose in order to cope day by day with the pains of the world. But in my heart I know it’s what I would have to do, today. Why? Because Mom would have told me to!

But seriously, really, this is what Mom’s heart told me to say today. What I had to do is stand up here and share my heart with you. Because it was what I was afraid to do, but what I knew was the truth and that I needed to muster up the courage to share.

Enough of that, now to get to my point--I feel like I do know my heart. I have worked hard at knowing my heart (even though I have barely scratched the surface). It’s a good heart.

And it’s my Mom’s heart.

She left it behind—and Thank God. Now the great thing is it doesn’t stop there. Because I know it’s in my kids. Like when Devon, some years back, while fast asleep with me laying beside him, I was suffering from traumatic life changes, he slipped his hand into mine. It made me cry really hard, but I felt loved and embraced by something much larger than me at the same time.

I know its in my kids when I saw Joshua (our four year old boy) start to cry the other day when he saw the part in the Disney movie Tarzan when the mother gorilla has lost her baby, before she finds Tarzan. I saw in his eyes and his face, his knowing of the pain of the loss, but also the hope that that pain brings.

And I see it in Serena’s eyes (Mom’s newest 5 month old grandbaby). When I gaze into her eyes I see the clear deep pure heart of Serena co-mingled with Yongxia’s heart (her mother) and Marvel’s heart and the heart of Yongxia’s Mom. I can see a clear deep, luscious, pure heart that makes my heart melt. And so on and on it goes, I guess forever.

Thanks Mom, for leaving the best part behind.