April 10, 2010
This morning in my dreams I saw the Mandala. The same one in a sense that I had created for my work. But instead of seeing a nuclear reaction which is expanding out I realized that the Mandala also represents the World – and that I have been running around the wheel for 50 years.
In a way I may have been looking for God, but it has, without real commitment, at least consciously, been a search for the truth. In my dream state awareness I was taken back to the realization I had the other day “they were right” – meaning all of the obnoxious people I have met in my life that have been trying to convince me about “Jesus”, and him saving my soul, and his dying for my sins, etc. Although, I am not sure all of them really know the truth – only God knows.
I guess it is the approach for them to bring me home that has always had me resistant, and the “apparent” gist of their message that I had to somehow go through Jesus to get to God. Something that I have always inherently known, that there cannot be only one path to God through another being. Now, I am pretty sure I have figured out what Jesus was teaching us about the one path.
But in my sleep today I realized I have been running around the wheel of life, and then taking different spokes of the wheel to find this “truth”. I don´t know how many spokes are on the wheel, there are many. But as I have ventured down each one, I have discovered that on the way to God, Jesus always shows up. And it is not for the reasons that I have been disagreeable. I had been prejudiced, resistant to the messengers of the messenger. The Son of God. I have always lived the best way I knew how by the teachings of Jesus. The Golden Rule has been with me ever since I was a little boy. My mother brought that one home to my heart.
Now, as I have read innumerable books from many sources and they have all led to the same conclusion. I have now accepted that Jesus is all of what he has been claimed to be. But so often the secrets can be best hidden right in front of our eyes. This is because we really don´t see.
It is interesting how this combination of the personal work I am doing now seems to be blending in a very unique way to give me multiple validations of the other sources. I have read many books, and someday I will post these, but right now I am doing A Course in Miracles and listening to Wayne Dyers “Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life” interpretation of the Tao de Ching (both are excellent). But what is interesting, is today I am working on the ACiM lesson 30 which is “Above all else I want to see things differently” and the Tao de Ching was the 12th verse
Too much colour blinds the eye,
Too much music deafens the ear,
Too much taste dulls the palate,
Too much play maddens the mind,
Too much desire tears the heart.
In this manner the sage cares for people:
He provides for the belly, not for the senses;
He ignores abstraction and holds fast to substance.
Listening to the Tao today made me realize that we have gotten totally mesmerized with the “plastic wrapping” of life. The plastic wrapping in this case would be our labels and thoughts about the world, life and everything. We have been simply scratching the surface of who and what we are, what everything is, especially this thing that we have come to call God.
It´s as though I have been living 50 years simply scanning the world, pressing my labels, opinions, judgments, etc. on existence and then moved on to the next “subject”. Even though I have always considered myself to be open, inquisitive, and all those other words that I might use, I have never really given much thought to anything – even though I thought I have.
How has this change come to pass. Hmmm, I guess it is about another truth that I had learned long ago, but had not really done much of, even though I thought that I had. This is about looking into myself, really trying to understand who and what I am. Of course I have read many, many books. But again, it was like I was only touching the surface. I was simply scanning the horizon, observing the eye candy, then moving onto the next location. I never spent enough time to really look deep into just one thing. Of course I have been “trying”, I have been involved in “self help” stuff for almost 30 years. And I have earnestly prayed and worked on Andy. I´ve also been missing the point.
It is like the story of the man who finds the diamond field with tiny specs of diamonds on the surface, he spends his days picking up those tiny chips, not realizing the really huge diamonds are down below him, all he needs to do is start digging.
However, this analogy has another trap, one that is embedded in all of this discussion. And that has to do with the material world and with Spirit. We have essentially become addicted to the sense experience - material existence. So mesmerized with the experience of looking through our eyes, touching, hearing, smelling, tasting, that we have missed by far the biggest most important part of why we are here. This has to do with the label we have given for “spirit” and “consciousness”. The place, or non-place where all this stuff emerges. And I suspect that I am going to find just below the surface that this is where God is going to reveal some more of the truth.
As I sit here and type these words, I might just as well have spent my whole life looking at one of Jesus´s teachings and trying to understand that. Or to just sit by the river as the Buddha did. Or to just spend a year contemplating a flower. Because now I see that all spokes on the wheel lead back to the source, the hub. And, as the Tao from yesterday revealed, in the center of a wheel is a hole – apparently, empty space. And if I just would have spent more time getting past all of the self constructed beliefs, I might have arrived where I am today much sooner.
But that is another trap, lamenting, regretting, or feeling guilty for time past. The fact of the matter is it has taken what it has taken for me to get here. And it is the perfect place to be, because I have so much experience and knowledge to compare against.
“Anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these.” John 14: 12
“It is the father, living in me who is doing his work.” John 14: 10